I started blogging/whatever here on FRIDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2008. I don't remember the reason I started, which is no big surprise since my memory is a "need to know basis" these days. I noticed recently that I have only posted on Instagram about 5 posts since this year started. I have been at a loss for words this year. I'm not sure why. I know part of it is I can't really relate to people I don't see except through pictures. I guess I can feel a connection tied or relating to emotions, things in common. Whatever, haha.
But, I feel differently reading about David. This study has been very different from the rest. Maybe I am different. This study has been very sad to me. Beautiful, sad, self-aware, mercy, grace are words that come to my mind. This study of David, (they have all had a theme) is Grace, Beauty, Love, Disobedience. Knowing God's grace and feeling God's grace is huge for me.
I grew up Catholic, we went to church on Sunday and that was it. God wasn't talked about after that. I grew up seeking God's approval as well as everyone else's. I tried to be "good", and I wanted everyone to like me. I stopped trying when I turned 16. There's a long story after that. It wasn't until my "Hills" experience with Breaking Free and the Forgiveness Study where the truth of Grace really started to penetrate my mind and heart. I knew the concept of Grace, and had experienced it some through others. I don't know how to explain it to someone who has known and felt Grace since they were young. I'm always blown away, just in awe when people give grace to me. I did something recently and just took a look at myself and couldn't understand how God could love me. I talked to God, confessed to Him what I needed to, believed He saw His beautiful daughter white as snow. He sees me beautiful, I'm the apple of His eye always. It is a huge thing for me to read about David and see how God gave him another son and loved him so much. David had consequences to his sin, but God blessed him with another son. That is where we left off in the study. 3 more sessions left and then I don't know what's next. But, I'm enjoying meeting with other women and the discussions. I have been rereading Hinds Feet, I think because of the tie in with Psalms as we read 2 Samuel made me think of the beautiful songs Much Afraid and the Shepherd share and their love for one another is how I feel about my own Shepherd.
I am my Love's and he is mine, And this is his desire, That with his beauty I may shine In radiant attire. And this will be- when all of me Is pruned and purged with fire.
Come, my Beloved, let us go Forth to the waiting Field; And where thy choicest fruit trees grow, Thy pruning knife now wield That at thy will and through thy skill Their richest store may yield.
And spices give a sweet perfume, And vines show tender shoots, And all my trees burst forth in bloom, Fair buds from bitter roots. There will not I my love deny, But yield thee pleasant fruits.
I didn't bring up the relationship between Jonathan and David, which was so rare and lovely. I just loved Jonathan so much and the death of him broke my heart even though I knew it was coming. Just a lot of beauty and sadness in this study. Lots of tissues.
Anyway, a lot to rejoice and give thanks to our Shepherd today. "You are loved, more than you know, more than you could hope for, after everything you've done"- Ellie Holcomb- As Sure as the Sun
But, I feel differently reading about David. This study has been very different from the rest. Maybe I am different. This study has been very sad to me. Beautiful, sad, self-aware, mercy, grace are words that come to my mind. This study of David, (they have all had a theme) is Grace, Beauty, Love, Disobedience. Knowing God's grace and feeling God's grace is huge for me.
I grew up Catholic, we went to church on Sunday and that was it. God wasn't talked about after that. I grew up seeking God's approval as well as everyone else's. I tried to be "good", and I wanted everyone to like me. I stopped trying when I turned 16. There's a long story after that. It wasn't until my "Hills" experience with Breaking Free and the Forgiveness Study where the truth of Grace really started to penetrate my mind and heart. I knew the concept of Grace, and had experienced it some through others. I don't know how to explain it to someone who has known and felt Grace since they were young. I'm always blown away, just in awe when people give grace to me. I did something recently and just took a look at myself and couldn't understand how God could love me. I talked to God, confessed to Him what I needed to, believed He saw His beautiful daughter white as snow. He sees me beautiful, I'm the apple of His eye always. It is a huge thing for me to read about David and see how God gave him another son and loved him so much. David had consequences to his sin, but God blessed him with another son. That is where we left off in the study. 3 more sessions left and then I don't know what's next. But, I'm enjoying meeting with other women and the discussions. I have been rereading Hinds Feet, I think because of the tie in with Psalms as we read 2 Samuel made me think of the beautiful songs Much Afraid and the Shepherd share and their love for one another is how I feel about my own Shepherd.
I am my Love's and he is mine, And this is his desire, That with his beauty I may shine In radiant attire. And this will be- when all of me Is pruned and purged with fire.
Come, my Beloved, let us go Forth to the waiting Field; And where thy choicest fruit trees grow, Thy pruning knife now wield That at thy will and through thy skill Their richest store may yield.
And spices give a sweet perfume, And vines show tender shoots, And all my trees burst forth in bloom, Fair buds from bitter roots. There will not I my love deny, But yield thee pleasant fruits.
I didn't bring up the relationship between Jonathan and David, which was so rare and lovely. I just loved Jonathan so much and the death of him broke my heart even though I knew it was coming. Just a lot of beauty and sadness in this study. Lots of tissues.
Anyway, a lot to rejoice and give thanks to our Shepherd today. "You are loved, more than you know, more than you could hope for, after everything you've done"- Ellie Holcomb- As Sure as the Sun
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